


safe inside.

by commonemergency



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-19
Updated: 2017-10-19
Packaged: 2019-01-19 13:26:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,207
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12411162
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/commonemergency/pseuds/commonemergency
Summary: Dan finds an old photo of him and Phil and reflects back on it.





	safe inside.

**Author's Note:**

> another day, another year. 
> 
> happy dan and phil day, pals.

Loneliness used to etch on his skin like a bruise and sometimes he’d pick at it like it itched. Like it was never satisfied no matter how badly Dan tried to care for it. Sometimes it coated on him like paint, blues and purples and red. The sinking feeling of being lonely forever was on the tip of his tongue, willing to expose itself to anyone who’d listen. He felt trapped for days inside his mind, his body, desperately trying to reach out to someone who wasn’t there. This seemed to be a problem in all of his relationships – perhaps he gave too much or too little, maybe he said the wrong thing, maybe he talked too much or his jokes were too harsh and mean. It was a common complaint when it came to cousins at the family reunions. _Do you ever shut up, Daniel?_

Dan looks down at a picture numerous people have tweeted, he doesn’t always look at his indirects, he tries not to, it’s not good for his mental health but today seemed to be an exception. Looking down at that eighteen year old – he feels something for his younger self. He can still remember what that loneliness felt like, still can taste the bitter taste of rejection. _People always preferring other people._ Battling a mental illness that seemed impossible some days, and all he wanted was to be held by someone he trusted. His fingers zoom in on the picture, careful not to like the photo, he wasn’t comfortable in his own skin then. He wasn’t comfortable at all. His smile was small, his laugh was quiet, he tried making his voice deep to seem manly but in truth, it was intimidated by the a cruel world and the people that surrounded it and him. 

Meeting Phil had felt like that moment when you drown and then somehow, someway, there’s someone sticking their hand out for you to grab, and it’s like coming up for fresh air. There’s a towel to wrap around your shaking body, kind words being said, _Are you okay? How can I help? And you look at the person and then_ , you breathe. That first breath of relief and the anxiety sitting in the pit of your stomach goes away. Phil wasn’t the solution, Dan had to find that himself, but he helped along the way. 

The only thing Dan can recognize from the photo is his eyes, they’re the same but at the same time they’re not. It gives him great pleasure knowing that he eventually grow into his body, he wasn’t just all pale and awkward limbs learning how to walk and talk and be who he wanted to be – he was already it. Of course that didn’t mean that he wasn’t always unsure of himself, there weren’t days that passed by when he sometimes forgot who he was, but then, when he takes a step back he remembers. Despite everything, that boy in the picture was still him. A little bit more braver, a little bit more wiser, and above all: happier. 

Cool hands wrap around his back and a chin on his shoulder. “What are you looking at?” Phil tickles the inside of Dan’s ear with his breath. 

Dan shudders at the feeling, “Bloody hell, Phil,” He chuckles before showing him the picture. “Everyone has been posting this photo and I just….” his voice drops a bit, and he shrugs, “Yeah.” 

Phil grabs the phone from Dan and zooms in on his own face. “God, that hair,” he zooms in and out on his face repeatedly for comedy effect, and it makes Dan laugh. He completed his mission. 

“What do you mean? Mate, your hair is still like that.” The ongoing joke about the emo hair never fails to get a kick out of them, it’s nice to know that some jokes never really change, old reference stay the same and it’s special to them. 

“Are you okay?” Phil lets Dan go but turns him around so he can look at him. He has a feeling of what Phil is about to do, he counts three seconds before Phil does it, which is moving the strand of curls in his face out of the way. He won’t tell him that he recognizes that he always does it when they’re face to face, it’s something private that Dan enjoys noticing that Phil doesn’t; because he doesn’t want him to stop. 

“Yeah. I’m good.” He was good. They had a lazy morning, ate breakfast at eleven, watched a tv show and held on to the other through it. It wasn’t extremely productive, they had a video to post later, and it’s been good. “I think it’s just… fascinating how different but familiar we look.” he says thinking back to that photo.  
Phil smiles at Dan like he’s just figured something out. It makes Dan raise an eyebrow. 

“What?” Dan rubs Phil’s arm, touching whatever skin that he can just because he can. 

“Nothing I just. Love you.” 

Dan smiles again, but this time he rolls his eyes. He doesn’t say anything back, but he does show him, leaning into him with a kiss. It’s slow, and sweet, and warm. Phil’s breath smells like coffee but Dan pays no mind to it, pulling him closer. He feels lucky getting to do that all the time now, a pleasure that Dan eight years ago didn’t get to do very much because of the distance.

“I love you too.” Dan mutters against his lips. “Go upload the video.” 

Phil laughs and shakes his head. “I can’t believe this. This was your entire plan all along.” Phil places a hand on Dan’s cheek, his fingers grazing where his freckles meet, and he cups his face one last time for a kiss and goes to the office to do what he’s told. After all this time, Dan still managed to get his way. 

Dan has plans later, all of which include ordering in and watching a movie. It may seem like another ordinary day, a _boring_ day even, but Dan couldn’t think of another person to spend this day with other than Phil. He’d take these days over anything else. 

“Damnit!” he can hear Phil yell from the office. “The wifi is out again!” Dan looks at the time and sees that they’re late on the video but he can’t help but smile and shake his head. 

“Alright, we can tether on my phone, be there in a second.” He starts walking towards the office, unlocking his phone to see the picture of them again and he smiles a little. To be young and in love was a feeling he still felt. This time he can exit out of the app and photo and walk a couple more steps and be next to something real. He placed a hand on Phil’s shoulder and they got to work on putting this video up. They laugh together at the fact that despite moving house for a quieter neighbourhood and better wifi, it was still shit, but that was okay for the most part. This was their life now and they accepted it.

This was real, and this was love, and it was good.

**Author's Note:**

> comments/kudos appreciated!
> 
> talk to me on tumblr/twitter: @nihilismdan


End file.
